i guess it's very easy to whinge about things always not going your way, or how the universe seems to be going out of its way to line every single thing exactly at the wrong time, and i guess it takes a whole lot more to be able to take a step back and realise that gee whiz, maybe things haven't been that bad after all.
how many people get to say that both of their parents are still together, alive and (relatively) healthy? and that they are in med school and do not need to worry about finances? and that they had the opportunity to work in one of the world's best hospital for 6 weeks, and that they have been fortunate enough to be able to visit america multiple times? and that they so happened to manage to spend another 4 weeks in a very rare subspecialty of medicine that may soon be what they are going to do for the rest of their lives? and that they are now in the last 6 months of their university lives and are going to become a doctor? and that they have family and a few close friends who will love them no matter what happens?
things might not be going as well as they were a few months back, fair enough, and jet lag is a bitch which makes me sometimes want to throw in the towel (i am glad to announce that i think i am finally no longer jet lagged!), and dysmenorrhoea is another bitch (had the worst dysmenorrhoea of my life early this morning - got woken up at 4 am and couldn't go back to sleep properly since) but hey, if i can ask "why me?" when shit happens, i sure as hell can ask the same question when great things happen as well :)
have also been grappling with trust issues - i have always thought that trust was a spectrum, with absolute trust and distrust at either end - how hard could it be, right?
wrong.
the friendships that leave an impact on my life come attached with the most bizarre and complicated dynamics that are the dreams of scriptwriters. i am currently toeing the very fine line that separates absolute trust from distrust. i think it's very interesting how having to choose between only two entities - trust/distrust (black/white) can be more confusing than having a spectrum of greys. i trust this person completely and absolutely by default - but am increasingly frequently pulled back by the small things that this person does, and the fact that this trust is probably not reciprocated.
then again, i suppose that you don't have to be trusted to trust; and similarly you don't have to be loved to love (because this is also somewhat related to everything).
haha i'm just going around in circles...
anyway many things have been going on, and i don't know what it is. maybe people think i don't know anything and that maybe when i don't say anything i do really look clueless and people seem to fall for that all the time. (maybe this is a problem - how clueless must i look for people to actually believe that i am? i think i'm a shit actress. HAHA) i don't know whether to feel insulted or to feel flattered. HAHA.
the winds are changing - it's time to gather what's left of my crew and head into the sunset.
(HAHA HOW'S THAT FOR A DRAMATIC ENDING TO A POST?)
