dire states

cannot wait for mama to arrive.

need a pick me up.

hate this hellhole.

"moving on"

(spoiler alert!)

i wonder how house felt when he drove his car through cuddy's living room.

this reminds me of how i felt after watching clockwork orange; the very real surge of guilty excitement and pleasure when i imagined the things i would do if i were one of alex's droogs - or rather, if i were alex - in a world where repercussions did not exist and where i would be able to get away with anything and everything...

blahblahblah

i was looking through some folders which contained photos that were taken when i first arrived in dundee some 27 months ago

i hadn't the foggiest clue about what was going to hit me.

27 months later and here i am - (almost officially) a doctor (somebody from the foundation school called me today and asked for dr lim, which i found slightly weird because i filled in all my employment forms as ms michelle lim lol)

in hindsight, even if i could manipulate time so that i could talk to myself before i started living here, i wouldn't know what to say.

don't beat yourself up over him - it's not going to be worth it. fact.

the oncologist you will embarrass yourself in front of with your pathetic bladder cancer presentation will turn out to be your mentor and will not remember your horrible performance (thank god) two years down the line - so don't worry!

people won't judge you over your english - which is perfectly fine by the way.

you really shouldn't have done your fourth year project on child psychiatry..................

no matter what happens, don't lose your niceness. you will miss it when it's gone and wish that you were still the same person you were before you left for dundee. also, when this happens, you will realise that you are now an extremely bitter person and you will hate yourself for it. don't let the bastards get you down.

it will be an extremely difficult 2 years and by the end of it, you won't even be able to say things like 'at least i had a few friends who were always there for me'. because there generally weren't. so please stop being dependent on your friends.

(ok i should probably stop sounding so bitter -_-)

but don't worry (again) la, you WILL graduate. good call on the OSCE thing - don't doubt your decisions! it was the right thing to do :))

you will fall in love with neuro-oncology, and senior clinicians will tell you that you are way better than you give yourself credit for. dr cw will probably have said the kindest words to you in a long time. she is right. :)

whatsapp will be your friend.

shit will happen to your closest friends and you will have front row seats and sometimes things will never be the same for them again - and you will have to learn to live with that.

you will meet drs sg and mh when you do your electives in johns hopkins (omg, can you imagine?!?!?!) - they will be among your greatest inspirations - PLEASE BE MORE OUTGOING AND CHATTY, YOU ARE CAPABLE OF MORE THAN WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dr rs will be one of the clinicians you like the best ever - because he is at least as weird as you! you will loooooooooooveeee him for it! HOWEVER, you should also be forewarned about the things you will hear and see and the thoughts that come with them before you embark on your 5th year gp block. HAHAHA.

yes i realised that all this is a thinly veiled excuse for me to emote and that it is too late because EVERYTHING THAT WILL HAPPEN HAS ALREADY HAPPENED

oh wait - please look out for mr x. :)

so whatever la ok, just be happy that this chapter of your life is over (you can now look forward to being paid, WOOHOO), and that you still have the rest of your life in front of you, and most importantly

you are now a doctor.
(who would've thought?!)

finally

(in more ways than one)

cannot wait for my mom to come over! :D

life lesson

keep your mouth shut and your eyes (and ears) open

SIENNNNN AHHH

my xweetok (halastjarna - icelandic for 'comet'; named in a fit of pretentiousness some almost 4 weeks ago HAHA) is suffering from blurred vision (like neopet, like owner lmao) and i need to get some extra thick goggles to heal her (these cost about 71,000 neopoints and i am too cheap to spend that amount of money on a pair of goggles wahaha)

therefore, i am trying my luck at the faerieland healing springs, which i can visit every 30 minutes

HOWEVER, all the water faerie has done is give my neopets extra health points (now my xweetok has 36/9 health points -_-) and random potions (i just got a juicy elixir about 2 minutes ago)

WHY CAN SHE NOT JUST FULLY HEAL MY PETS?!?!!

i realise that this is a horribly loserish thing to be blogging about and i should probably be doing something more 'productive' like playing roller coaster tycoon or installing the sims 3 instead of squandering my youth away on neopets

(heheheheheheh)

ok i think i will go and play roller coaster tycoon - after this episode of the office, jim halpert ftw <3

mr dr south-bound-l (SBL for short henceforth) has been missing for the past two days - WHAT HAPPENED?!

(ooh i have just realised that i will have to be calling mr x dr x as well from now on, at least until the novelty dies down... heheheheh)

So he said

"I know that you are better than this, don't let your environment break you"

and she knew that he was right and that she had the ability to accept that things will never be the way she wanted them to be, but she would be fine with it

:)

he knows!

so.......................

mr x knows about him... and him. (and reveals his true thoughts about one of them - TOLD YOU THAT MOST OF HIS THOUGHTS REGARDING CERTAIN PEOPLE RESONATED WITH MINE RATHER SCARILY!)

hohoho

meanwhile, mr south-bound-l makes a cameo appearance (too bad i was on the phone and was unable to return his hug DAMMIT)

life is spinning out of control because the portfolio viva and osces are over and there is this void where everything else is accumulating

i keep telling myself this - less than a month and all of this will be over! new life! (kinda) new people! waheyhey!

5 years (take 2)

let's do this right this time :)

hello, my name is michelle and i am a junior doctor -

and it only took 5 years!

i would like to thank the people who have stood by me all this while for their unwavering faith and belief and neverending loveeeee

it still hasn't really hit me yet, but i guess that is because i haven't officially graduated yet - but it will soon enough!

woohooooo :))

a new chapter of my life awaits - LET ME AT IT! :D

(to the general public: be afraid, be very, very afraid)

;)

some scars never heal

301.50
301.81
301.82

5 years

5 years down the road...

... and i am finally waiting to graduate as a doctor.

so many things have happened

i thought i would be more exhilarated than this

i was waiting for the large wave of relief that everybody described themselves to feel

but all i am doing now is sitting in front of my computer, regretting that i ever reactivated my stupid facebook account. you probably weren't talking about me, but i know that you've used that word when it came to me before.

poison.

am i, really?

am i?

so maybe i am.

sorry for being so venomous and for causing you so much misery.

i never deserved you as a friend anyway.

what i want

a bowl of soup cooked by my mom
teochew porridge
some semblance of sanity
a grip on my life
dry bak kut teh
leong cha
korean food
japanese food

on which (bleep)ing planet...?

dropping f bombs like they're hot

anyway i should go to sleep now

good night people! :)

(upon testing, i have come to realise that my decryption link does not work. JUST ANOTHER THING THAT HAPPENS TO STOP WORKING IN MY ALREADY DYSFUNCTIONAL LIFE fml.)

(oh well.)

i do not apologise for my emotional lability

F THIS SHIT I WOULD INFLICT GRIEVOUS BODILY HARM ON MORONIC PEOPLE WHO DARE TO ATTEMPT TO PACIFY ME OR STAND IN MY F-ING WAY.

FTS FTS FTS FTS i am going to sleep

it's photoshop's fault

dammit.