i was attending my first (and possibly last) trauma clinic session with mr gmcl and jr because i had to get a mini-cex and cbd signed off, and it was the best and most rewarding experience i've had since i started work. the exhilaration from being introduced as jr's colleague and as a junior doctor for the first time ever in an outpatient setting (pre-assessment clinics don't count), being treated like an adult, actually being allowed to read the patient's notes so that it would aid me in making my decision-making and being left alone to talk to and examine the patient and then to formulate my own diagnoses and then present it back to jr... it was so exciting, and i actually felt medically alive and that made my entire day! i was hooked after diagnosing the first patient (who had a lipoma - a very simple diagnosis which wouldn't be worth mentioning under normal circumstances but baby steps!), so much so that i stayed for the rest of the 2.5 hours, and managed to 'assist' in the fitting of a zimmer split!
(omg i sound like an overly enthusiastic
this got me thinking about the countless opportunities i have missed over the past 4 months - there will always be regrets but this has only given me a wake up call to seize every opportunity that presents itself over the next few years (and beyond!). i have caught myself thinking that i should have followed the physiotherapists around for a few sessions to see what they do, i should have scrubbed in for trauma theatre and some elective lists, i should have attended way more trauma and fracture clinics and trauma meetings... i should have learned more about dressings and splints
should've, could've, but wouldn't...
oh well. at least i am now rather confident when it comes to pain medication, and i FINALLY know the dosages (and maximum dosages) of most painkillers, and i also now know the difference between cocodamol and codrydamol and the likes (i remember seeing cocodamol within my first week of arrival in the uk and being so bewildered and confused by it and i never really had the courage to pursue it further). i am also rather comfortable with dealing with antiemetics and laxatives (lmao, as i tell everybody) and know what to do when nurses come up to me telling me that my patient has an itchy nose due to their PCAs (a side effect which apparently only seems to happen in perth -_-) i guess i have also learned about warfarin prescribing and sliding scales and blood transfusions and how to prescribe them, and am no longer petrified when faced with having to request xrays and fill in BTS forms
haha ok i should stop.
anyway - my next relevation is a rather more significant and possibly life-altering one. i was looking through my retrospectroscope and was examining my decision of ending up staying in dundee... was then thinking about doing a taster week in oncology (while on the toilet, HAHA) and i realised that ward 32 is honestly and actually quite a depressing ward and if i ended up doing oncology i don't think i would want to work there eventually - also i've been encouraged to pursue oncology elsewhere, so...
i understand why i chose to stay on, that fateful day more than a year ago, and i don't really regret that decision - i still think it was the right one to make at that point in time. however, i have come to the conclusion that there is nothing left here for me, and it is time for a change of scene. the reason i chose to stay is gradually losing its appeal, and its about time i built a new life for myself somewhere else.
where, is now the question. well. i don't know. the world is my oyster. the states, australia, new zealand or maybe scotland (just somewhere else besides dundee), who knows?
the good news is that all this has stirred up in me an urgent and pressing need to start learning medicine again - for this i must also thank sweeleen and mezhen, i guess. HAHA GUESS WHAT I THINK I AM GOING TO READ LILLY'S ON THE BUS TOMORROW MORNING -_- i sorely miss the days of imu bj where i would just be totally consumed by the act of studying and learning medicine and how i loved every second of it. it didn't start of with me doing it by choice, but i had to do it out of necessity. it was a struggle for the first few days, and then it became fun, and then it became a compulsion.
... and then the exams were over and all was lost. HAHA.
anyway. i should be sleeping - my eyebags horrified the shit outta me when i first looked at my face properly in the mirror since i can't remember when.
i think i'm just sad i have to leave ortho soon. i keep thinking about how it was as a medical student, and how spending 4 weeks in a ward isn't really enough and why nurses don't bother getting to know students that well. just when you're warming up to somebody, he/she leaves. just like that. like a flower which blooms only for 5 minutes after you spend 4 weeks slaving on it. it takes a toll on you. i feel so attached to most of my nurses, and it genuinely saddens me to have to say goodbye so soon. :(
but que sera sera, and i will still be able to see them when they bleep me irately for discharge scripts for my boarders for the next 4 months, so... :D
ok gnite
