wisdom

why is it so hard to do the right thing?
it's not, you just have to know why you're doing it.

say

why do people say such hurtful things to/about other people?

doing the right thing

i have been presented with a chance to do the right thing.

i have come to realise that this is actually a luxury, because as we grow older, we end up doing things that we would not do in an ideal world due to the circumstances we find ourselves in.

in this case, however, what i choose to do or not do could potentially bear a great deal of influence on my future.

(and yes, i am talking about my literal future of graduating and ending up as a doctor)

does this mean that it is time to be 'realistic' and leave my understanding of wrong and right aside, but just for this instance?

or does this mean that i should all the more choose to do what i know is right, regardless of the consequences?

it would be nice (and fair to certain people who have had the misfortune of being in a disadvantaged position to begin with - and i fully understand how this feels, being one of them last year) to do the right thing, because i wholeheartedly believe that i should, and because i really want to.

it would be even nicer to know that i am deserving of the mbchb because i know enough and am capable of being a doctor in my own right.

this might just be one of the times that i am truly proud of myself and what i have become.

:)

heart; break.

you look great in your suit.

:)

can you keep a secret?

when you realise you cannot tell anybody anything any more because everybody will tell anybody who is willing to listen what you told them.

i know because you told somebody who told me.

5 years

It will all boil down to 145 minutes - cannot wait!

:)

cocoon

i have never been more acutely aware of having a space to call my own.

i love my room - i love that it separates me from the rest of the world and contains pretty much the fabric of my life. everything of value is housed (pun!) in the space bound by these four walls and my door (upon which hang, among other things, my nhs fife ID, my johns hopkins temporary ID, a flu jab hero lanyard, and a wooden 'keep out' door tag given to me by goblok)

:)

when i move out of this room i am going to make sure that i have a rasterbator poster on my new wall! :)

i cannot remember/imagine this room without the view from the arc du triomphe on the wall above my bed.

haha ok i should probably be spending my brainpower on more substantial things like the genes involved in the pathogenesis of psoriasis urgh -_-

#18

who brings out the best in you? who brings out the worst in you?

different people bring out the best in me at different points in time

but one person constantly brings out the absolute worst in me - i end up being surprised and horrified at the thoughts and intentions that unearth themselves from the deepest recesses of my soul when i think about you. (i exaggerate - very slightly)

Revival

does this herald the return of the (in)famous mr x?

we shall see...

because they didn't understand you

am in the midst of reading dr pk's slides on water, electrolytes and acid-base balance, all of the 110 gloriously and uniquely technicoloured ones - when i came to this realisation

it takes far more effort to insert wordart and to configure each slide to have a different coloured background than having the same template for every slide (especially if there are 110 of them) - and the reason behind him having 110 slides is because he did all the compiling of information for us - there is literally no need for us to refer to any other books or sources of information because everything we need to know will already be in those slides.

i cannot believe how some people succeeded in making him quit from IMU just because they got their panties all in a twist over "not being able to understand his accent"...

i cannot further express myself without using certain expletives, but i think that these people need to get a grip and grow up.

sigh. i was lucky enough to have dr pk as a lecturer for my 2.5 years in IMU BJ (although i will admit that i was not able to fully appreciate him then)

i'm sorry dr pk - i think you deserve way more recognition than we have given you. i hope you're doing even better now wherever you are! :)

appreciation

in the midst of all my frustration and empathy for a close friend

i have come to realise that there are lot of crazy and selfish people in this world

and i appreciate the few people that have been in my company for the past... 26 months and 13 days.

thanks, people!

you guys rock! :)

(i would also like to say, sadly, that the whole mr x thing turned out to be a sham - he turned out to be one of them - pity.)

I Loved You 

I loved you; and perhaps I love you still,
This flame, perhaps, is not extinguished; yet
It burns so quietly within my soul,
No longer should you feel distressed by it.
Silently and hopelessly I loved you,
At times too jealous and at times too shy.
God grant you find another who will love you
As tenderly and truthfully as I.

- Alexander Pushkin

interstitial fluids and all that

(insert sentimental post about almost being done with med school and reminiscing time spent writing a pile of steaming drivel for the portfolio)

the past weekend has been tiring -_- i sit in front of my laptop drained and tired and deprived of any measurable brain activity

i think i haven't had interactions with more than 2 humans at a time for a very long time -_-

am now attempting to decipher the intricacies of the physiology of kidneys in fluid balance

may the powers that be bless me upon the start of this seemingly impossible and arduous feat

amen

omg

HAHAHAHA turns out i was wrong - things CAN get worse.

(i am slightly disturbed about the newest piece of information that was thrust upon me)

and of course it can only have to do with mr x

(who would've thought?!)

(at least it is clear now)

retrospectoscope

i start the 14th of may on a relatively low note - it can only get better from here!

always remember: a person who lies is capable of anything.

i am done with constantly being painted as the one who instigates drama; i am done with you.

goodnight everybody. :)

Conundrum.

When is a strength a weakness?
When it brings you misery.

tell me a story

and another post, just in case it wasn't clear enough in the previous post, about how i am feeling now:

:)) :)) :)) :)) :))

and when a good thing happens, one should not question it and just go with the flow, sista'

go with the flow.

and thank the powers that be for the smiles that arrive when you need them the most.

x marks the spot

and today, we find out that:

1. he loves starcraft - and pokémon! (and has played pretty much most of the versions, besides black and white - AND he uses the fire pokémon as the starter pokémon, which is ALWAYS a good sign.)
2. he has kinda started using the phrase 'your face'
3. he considers me one of the people he "can really talk to"

there is more but i am too sleepy for that today so... tough.

hahaha.

:))

-

"...time flies when you're having fun"
"i know"

#17

what's the farthest away you've ever lived from your hometown where you grew up?

this is actually quite an interesting question because i've never ever actually grown up fully in a place. i was born in ipoh, malaysia and left for the capital, kuala lumpur when i was 10.

even after moving to kl, i never really ever stayed at home for an extended period of time - i grew up mostly in a boarding school and my piano teacher's house and student residences (my parents worked out of state/ overseas), so i never really had the privilege of feeling strongly attached to... home.

i guess this isn't exactly a bad thing because i've always managed to make myself comfortable wherever i was - i've never really felt homesick (unless when i'm feeling sorry for myself -_-, and i was 'sick' for the idea of home, rather than home itself)

anyway, to answer the question, the farthest away i've ever lived from ipoh was when i spent 6 weeks in baltimore, that was 17,780 km (or 11,047 miles) away. i would say that it wouldn't really count because i was only there for 6 weeks but i think that it actually does because i went over alone and had to fend for myself while i was there! HAHAH.

HOWEVER, for all the pedantic asses that so liberally litter the universe today, my next answer would be being 10748.5 km (or 6718 miles) from ipoh in dundee, scotland, where i have been now for the past 26 months. fair enough? haha.

honestly, i don't see the big deal about being 'far away' from home and having to be super 'independent' because your parents are literally more than 5000 miles away. you would be in the exact same situation if you were staying right at home with your parents two states away. ok maybe you wouldn't be so inconvenienced because they would be in the same country and time zone, but

i don't know lah.

sometimes i envy people who have a very strong sense of where home is, and what it should be.

mraz magic

Plane
jason mraz

Drain the veins in my head
Clean out the reds in my eyes to get by security lines
Dear x-ray machine
Pretend you don't know me so well
I won't tell if you lied
Cry, cause the droughts been brought up
Drinkin' cause you're lookin' so good in your starbucks cup
I complain for the company that I'm keepin'
The windows for sleeping rearrange
And I'm nobody
Well who's laughing now

I'm leaving your town again
And I'm over the ground that you've been spinning
And I'm up in the air said baby hell yeah
Well honey I can see your house from here
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn

Damn, I should be so lucky
Even only 24 hours under your touch
You know I need you so much
I cannot wait to call you
And tell you that I landed somewhere
And hand you a square of the airport
And walk you through the maze of the map
That I'm gazing at
Gracefully unnamed and feeling guilty for the luck
And the look that you gave me
You make me somebody
Ain't nobody knows me
Not even me can see it, yet I bet I'm

I'm leaving your town again love
But I'm over the ground that you've been spinning
And I'm up in the air, said baby hell yeah
Oh honey I can see your house from here
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn

You keep me high minded
You get me high

Flax seeds, well they tear me open
And supposedly you can crawl right through me
Taste these teeth please
And undress me from these sweaters better hurry
Cause I'm keeping upward bound now
Oh maybe I'll build my house on your cloud
Here I'm tumbling for you
Stumbling through the work that I have to do
Don't mean to harm you

By leaving your town again love
But I'm over the ground that you've been spinning
But I'm up in the air, said baby hell yeah
Oh honey I can see your house from here
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn
I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn
Well I'll remember where the love was found
If the plane goes down, damn

Who do you
Think you are, are, are, are
To keep me so oh cold, cold
You keep me high minded
You keep me high minded

You get me high minded
You get me high


mraz is beautiful live, in more ways than one.

this song reminds me about how wrong i was about you and how under all that is a wonderful person with incredible depth and sensitivity. :)

if everybody is saying it, it must be true*

*certain exceptions withstanding

the easiest way to deal with people cramping your style is to just to continue acting like you're happy and said cramping never happened - you will soon feel that said cramping never actually happened in the first place. :)

things move at a faster pace nowadays - we are having to pick things up and get involved with them and drop them all in the span of a metaphoric five seconds to prevent getting burnt - the same process would have taken weeks before this. people have shorter fuses and attention spans, less patience and lower thresholds of tolerance. there is less space for mistakes, less forgiveness to share around and a whole lotta less love.

it's funny how everybody is racing to forget rather than remember; the less you remember, the nearer to the top of the pile you are.

every day is a new account opened. all debits and credits are cleared at the end of the day, and your balance will be back to zero a minute past midnight.

get this - the new in thing is your worst enemy also being your best friend. (which kind of makes sense, come to think of it - he/she will be the only person who won't (bother to) lie to you.)

i sound like i'm being all angsty and ranty - and perhaps i would have been - a month ago. i am sorry to announce that i have denounced all of this and am attempting to be one of them (since i can't beat them).

i have also realised with increasing alarm that i am now one of the people i hoped so desperately i would never become.

win none - lose all.

that is the only way to go. :)

#16

what do you like about a rainy day?

somehow rainy days are the only days during which i feel... safe and secure and not alone. i always feel that sunny days are 'too good to be true', and that there is always something (bad) lurking around the corner and waiting to happen.

rainy days have nothing to hide, more so if the rainy days actually bring a thunderstorm - the louder the better. maybe it's the pitter-patter of raindrops on windows that provides white noise that drowns out some of the voices and noise in my head - it feels like i have something else to listen to for a change, something else which does not annoy the heck outta me with whininess, or hypocrisy or deceit. i feel like my mind is allowed some peace because it has something else to focus on besides itself.

and oh yes... how could i ever forget the smell of fresh rain? ('petrichor' is the word, by the way)

the more the better, i say - bring on the rain! :)

damn

i have to go back to baltimore again one day.

lighter of frayed ends; 140987 (742)

impossible. beyond impossible.

-

today, i thought about you while i was on the bus to perth.

do you remember (haha - pun!)? we're such different people now, also literally on opposite ends of the earth - but that little bubble in space and time shall always belong to me. (and you, of course)

742.

:)

#15

What do you like about the spring season?

Longer days

Sunshine!

Blue skies!

Cherry blossoms and daffodils :)

How everything is vibrant but not washed out like during summer

The temperature

Knowing that I survived winter and that this is the furthest that winter will ever be for the entire year! :D

!!!enlightened!!!

is what x said to me

haha :)

害人之心不可有，防人之心不可无。

the golden rule

the meaning of life

dust and bones

5000 units of dalteparin

kim

niceness. :)

lone ranger

this is my last curtsey on your stage

i'm fucking off now - i have enough of your (non?) drama? i can never tell with you.

infuriation

be wary of she who moans and bitches about pretty much everybody in her life, and who drags you into the bog together with her

if she decides to change her mind about one of her victims, the tables will be turned on you and it is you who will be made out to be the evil bitch.

she thinks the universe revolves around her; and makes it so. she bends it to her whim.

fuck.

simmer

i'm getting bored.

however, i do recognise that this is necessary to avoid burnout.

-_-

:/